They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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