The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
