Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
