i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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