I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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