Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You can't special order awesome
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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