i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
