We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
