my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
This beer is not sobering me up at all
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
