We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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