i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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