Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
