Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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