You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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