Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
