dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
