It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
