I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
