Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
