He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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