Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
