I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
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