I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
