Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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