I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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