me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
