Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
