Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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