i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
