someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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