just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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