Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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