i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
