I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He shit in the fireplace
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
