i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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