I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
