I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize