I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
