Define "chronic" masturbator.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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