I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
