that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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