On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
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