My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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