Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
