glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
