So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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