I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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