Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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