Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
