East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
