I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
