Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize