o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
