I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
