I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
