i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
