He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
