the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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