I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
