I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
