no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
