you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
