Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize