my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize