You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
