then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm always down for nudity.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
