WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize