Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
