Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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