6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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