We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I had to cum in my sink.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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