A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
